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Elon Musk wants to cage fight Mark Zuckerberg and Andrew Tate wants to help

Three of the world’s most terrible people are teaming up to cage fight.

Just when you thought celebrity fights couldn’t get any dumber, we could be approaching the stupidest fight in the history of humanity: Elon Musk vs. Mark Zuckerberg in a cage.

Over the weekend Musk was engaging in his favorite hobby, tweeting at randos, when he floated the idea of fighting Zuckerberg in a cage.

The idea surfaced as part of a conversation about Meta releasing its own version of Twitter called “Threads.” Obviously this annoyed Musk, especially as his $44B investment in a “free speech town square” has become full of Nazis and is worth a fraction of what he paid for it.

Musk, who’s used to making promises and never delivering on them, probably thought this would get to sit on his timeline and garner some likes without Zuck ever noticing. One problem: Zuck has been training to fight, and he’s DYING to get public revenge.

See, Zuckerberg has been training Brazilian Ju Jitsu for some time now, and he’s already desperate to show people how well he can fight. The entire Meta/Zuck PR team went on a huge media blitz to crush rumors that Zuckerberg got choked out by an Uber engineer at a charity MMA competition — so dismantling Elon would definitely have an appeal.

It hasn’t even been 48 hours, but it seems like Musk is already backtracking, because he knows that Zuckerberg would absolutely destroy him. On the one hand Elon is naming a place, the rather nondescript “Vegas Octagon,” but he’s also cracking jokes about his lack of fighting skill — indicating he’s really not serious about this going down.

Don’t worry though, because there is one person who will always look for a chance to promote themselves: Andrew Tate! Yes, just when a fight between two of the world’s worst people wasn’t bad enough, let’s add a preening narcissist who was arrested for rape and human trafficking.

I don’t know how someone is supposed to train a doughy billionaire to fight from inside a Romanian prison cell, but those are minor details I’m sure these two can iron out.

It’s almost impossible to realize we’ve reached a point where I’m actively rooting for Mark Zuckerberg to achieve anything. This is the world we have created for ourselves. Actually, scratch that, there’s only one way we need to see Zuck vs. Elon end.

Now THAT is what the people want.